growing where we are

it's after midnight, the rain is falling & i can't sleep. my second daughter, emily has just turned three & has been going through a rough patch this past week. my husband & i have been trying to get her up to go potty before we go to bed. tonight she woke up and came to me! back up...when i wake her up, it hasn't been pretty. she will get loud & it's hard to settle her back down. i wasn't even going to bother tonight!! no way. i know it's awful, but i'm to the point where i'd rather wash her sheets the next day than to deal with her waking up the whole house. breathe in & out. it's a battle isn't it? parenthood. i read a quote recently where "anything worth fighting for takes work." being a mama is the best job ever, but it's also the hardest. So, back to it...she comes in, i take her potty then she asks if i can lay with her for "three days." i asked if she wanted me to carry her or if she wanted to walk back to her room. i carried her. i laid in the bed beside her. i felt her warm breath. i felt her touch; her closeness. it dawned on me, that's all she wants is to be close. to me. i laid there thinking of how i've been a little distant lately as i've been nursing my third & her older sister has gotten to do more things with us lately. she's the middle child. i talked with my good friend beth who came to visit this past weekend & she shed some light on what she does to divide her time with each of her three kids. each night, she spends one-on-one time with each of them and trades off the next night. she also has a night on her own, a husband & wife night, & a family night. i am going to try to incorporate this as it's something i can do straight from home instead of going out for a date to spend money.

being close is what we both need. i need that from my Jesus too. i start to feel lost when i'm not reading the word or praying. i have been reflecting on the teaching from sunday. it was about a hopeless parent found in Matthew 15:21-28, who went up to Jesus to ask for healing for her possessed daughter. she was a canaanite woman, she had no covenant ties to address Him as "Lord & Son of David." she was trying to base her relationship off someone else's. She is showing faith, but at arms length. God desires us to have a relationship first. He works differently than us to develop our faith. in Matthew 15:25, He's not insulting her, but rather drawing faith out of her. "I just need my daughter to be healed." God is more interested in growing us//self-examination than instant gratification. I marvel at the fact Jesus went to minster to one person in need. He traveled about 60 miles on foot. the trial went on longer than the mother would have liked. Jesus focused on the relationship. He knew the perfect time to answer her need. she was more focused on Him than the need. when there was a need Jesus met it (verse 31). Jesus is the bread of life, as it says, in John 6:35. 

(am I feeding those around me? am i more interested in instant gratification than growth? how is my relationship with Jesus? am i trying to approach Him based on someone else's relationship)? 

i planted a little garden with my girls. every day they go outside to see if their plants have grown. growth can be a beautiful thing if we allow it. be diligent to water your gardens & feed those around you in your care.